I wished you knew

I wished you knew that even if I don't exhibit my feelings, it doesn't mean that I don't bleed.

And when I do profusely, I wished you knew how that really hurts.

At times, I wished you knew your words and your actions have such a blemishing impact on me.

I wished you knew I've been weakened mentally by you because it's always such an exhaustive struggle putting up with myself to regain that slight logic and sanity back.

I wished you knew I truly care and taking you for granted has never crossed my mind at all.

And I wished you had thought the same about me. But do you?

I really wished you knew how I feel about you. You knew it, don't you?

So why? I wished I knew now.

From " Sputnik Sweetheart"

"In dreams you don't need to make any distinction between things. Not at all. Boundaries don't exist. So in dreams there are hardly ever collisions. Even if there are, they don't hurt. Reality is different. Reality bites. Reality, reality."

-Haruki Murakami

Still in a state of stupor so I need to scour for some new injections of zest somewhere.

I hope it's not a vicious cycle. I'm not going to be manipulated like that

Hope the weekend treats me well.

I miss you

I just spoke to my heart and I really just wished you knew right now that I've been missing you.

It was a week exited way too scarily fast and now I can only wished time had actually crawled just a little slower for me to grasp what has really happened and view things in clearer perspective during the last week.

Amusingly true, I even need to RUN to the loo in an effort to save time.

Everything seems to be lost in time's transit. One hour passed like three hours. Almost traumatizing enough. I almost forgot to breathe.

Even 14-15 hrs work in a day ain't sufficient. I wished I can stretch further. I will do it if I still have the power to do so. Because I know this is what I have chosen and I need to prove to myself and those who know I'm worth it that this career decision is the best I've ever made for myself.

Expecting steeper challenges but heck, just give it to me. No more comfort zone please. I'll do just fine.

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."

-Elizabeth Warnock Fernea

When I tried so hard to steer you away rationally, you just intrude without much effort and impregnate my mind all over again.

It's almost impossible to do it, I realise.