I totally abhor what I'm going through now.

The kind of intensified emotional roller-coaster that is slamming me up and down uncontrollably is setting my heart in deep vexation.

Why is the episode always the same? The more I want to evade, the more it seems hopeless and I can only wallow in self-empathy at the end of it.

I just want to break away. But it's just so tough because every single inch of thought related to him stirs badly.

Presence is actually worst than absence afterall, what an irony isn't it.

I just fucking hate myself now.

Vision of a Sunset (Shawn Stockman)

My all time favourite timeless ballad.

Suppressed.

Never ever this much.

I no longer know how to handle you anymore.

Bittersweet mixture.

I kept having dosages of it.

But I wished it was just you instead.

"We are always in search of the redeeming formula, the crystallizing thought."

~Etty Hillesum

It actually hurts me to realise that even if you are scarred and feel forsaken, I still hope to be the only good in you.

Adele - Chasing Pavements

I'm hooked to this song cuz it's so hauntingly awesome.

I've made up my mind,

Don't need to think it over,

if I'm wrong I am right,

Don't need to look no further,

This ain't lust,

I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,I

'll never say enough,

Cause it was not said to you,

And that’s exactly what I need to do,

If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere.

I'd build myself up,

And fly around in circles,

Wait then as my heart drops,

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it,

Or Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere.

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

明知我爱你

告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定
放弃你 忘记你 只怕我无法前进
不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你
我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫
明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你
我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语
该如何整理 幸福在手里
我恨自己 无能为力
明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你
我假装不在意 反而痛了自己
多痛都可以 不能没有你
只想永远永远爱你
你知不知道我也没关系

I love this song. But perhaps I'm the only fool who believes in it.

bail-less

Have you ever attached yourself to familiar suffering? People, incidences, places that constantly make you feel agonised but you never seem to be able to bail yourself out from it. That's it.

Everything is romanticized aren't they? I always fail to see that but it is happening almost all the time.

Fallen and fell. Literally and figuratively but of two different contexts. Next, to pick myself up or to be heavily bandaged?

Extremes always work for me. It's probably either just a straight plunge-through with no qualms to end the whole languish or continuously clinging on to this familiar suffering. But now, I fear the former and I resent the latter. Bail-less again.

I wished there were no stakes, and I can visualise things as they are. No disillusionment. But everything is not in sync anymore and it sets the heart in shambles.