Evanescence

A period of vapourization seems to serve me better.
 
I can't say I'm absolutely ready to receive the somewhat new assortment of incidents and people that I'll be experiencing but yeah just come grab me.

Dear Blog,

Please pardon me for neglecting you these while.

Because I have so much to say so much to think... I doubt I can be coherent in my words.

My heart is still healing and I don't know when it will heal completely. I have a strong belief that I'll never be able to bump into love anymore. Not even a coincidental one.

Give me some time. I will emerge stronger than what I expected.

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)

Now, you were just somebody that I used to know. But did you even know me afterall?

Time transcended you away from my world, and I no longer remained at that vulnerable position then.

I hope I am truly happy now and wished the same for you as well. Sincerely. Undeniably.

We love the sand, sun and sea

I need resuscitation badly.

And time gotta slow down its pace a little please.

My body feels stretched and torn away from different forces.

I need to breathe normally.

The swallows

I wanna be one of those.

Bkk with my girlies

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm is not something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside yo...u. So all you can do is give in to it, step right into the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand does not get in, and walk through it, step by step. There is no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That is the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.”

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

If I could experience a sandstorm right now and emerge as a freer person all over again.

Incapacitated

I have been completely submissive to my own vulnerabilities the past couple of weeks. Numerous imageries and words kept flowing back to me and I wished they just vanish upon recollection. It's hard riddance I realized. Yet it has to be attained no matter what.

It felt like a form of loss somehow. It's unbearable. I don't know how I managed to fight and grapple with my inner emotions the past 2 years. But at least you were still there physically, in good times or bad. You were felt. And I think it was almost sufficient. Of course I was naive to have that thought. But it filled me up and nothing else seemed to matter.

But now I'm fully aware, nothing will ever bring those times back again. And it pains me whenever I think of it. Not even you, as a friend for me. Isn't it? But I can be so sure that I will still be there for you, if you need me to. But I know this does not matter anymore. Because you have someone who can do that for you now.

If true happiness is what you are experiencing right now, I suppose that was the only thing I wished it could happen to you someday.

It will get better...

It seems as if I'm caged under a spell and there were no ways of liberation.

But when the harsh truth hits, I somewhat still feel like eluding the cystalline clear reality. In all honesty, I have already long accepted the outcome. But my heart refused to come to terms with it.

My heart is aching and it throbs whenever I think of you.

I know it's time to stop. Like absolutely stop. Not even a single ounce of reservation of my feelings left.

I don't know how long the heart will take to heal. But I know I should just stop.

You don't

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years (Official Music Video)

My current favourite ballad.

In anticipation of a great disappointment on my birthday feels kinda sucky.

I just hope it's over soon.

好想對你說

This is all I want to tell you...

I'd be making a lie if I said I weren't upset that he did not manage to turn up for the concert. Perhaps more of disappointment. Though I already had this premonition that somehow it will happen, I still harboured hope.

Yes hope. Perhaps I've always been hoping. But the hard truth is always there.

I wished he was there. I miss his presence.

I knew I'd lost him.

Jump of Innocence

Or so it seems...