Everything is gradually coming to light and that eased me a little. I do not hope it's still self-denial but enlightenment of some sort.
You know what's the worst feeling one can experience? Suppression. Why suppress then? Because I can no longer come to terms with the truth. Truth hurts, but perhaps it heals as well.
You know what's the worst regret one can have? Having to lose something before you even possess it. Would you regret, really? If so, would you pursue dauntlessly?
When something is unknown, the more we want to hold on to it. But if we start to dismantle them into pieces, will you still be obstinate and learn to put your emotions into perspective instead?
I suddenly realised what I thought was unconditional was just a facade. I'm not a saint afterall. If it had been unconditional, there'd be no expectations. I was in denial all the while and that saddens me alot.
Now it really feels like I'm gonna lose a battle before I even prepare myself to step into the battlefield. It's a tough internal tussle but I know I just want to end it soon before I turn into someone I do not know anymore. Because I do not wish to hanker for something which probably won't belong to me afterall, no matter how much time has passed.
So now I wish to choose the withdrawal option and the thought of it is scarring me so badly. But it's probably time, else the scars will leave me disfigured. It just takes courage and faith to believe that time will nurse everything. I need alot of time perhaps but I know I'll emerge again.
I'll just relish. Looks like this is the answer. It will just make everything less interwoven, I hope.
